#10 "Mine"

Mine...

Recently I dealt with another one of my failings. I fell short of friendship when a precious friend needed me most and it was evident that it was me, my selfishness, and financial failings that caused them such great pain. For 3-days, I was submerged in failure and guilt like I don’t remember ever feeling. I mean I was completely guilty, I was no better than a thief, and I was undone.  Seeing yet another failure in myself and how completely unlike Christ I am, was the perfect opportunity for the enemy to come in and water the seeds of failure that have been sewn into my mind. Early one morning because I couldn’t sleep I got up and was laying on the couch weeping, beating my hand against my forehead trying to drive out the guilt and shame. Praying for forgiveness but not receiving it. Full of shame, and the feelings that I would never overcome the areas of my life where I always fall short. Then amid my darkest moment, I saw the Father look at me and say “Mine”.  That’s the moment it all changed. 

 

During this time, God reminded me of what He said He was going to do in my life in 2024. In the middle of a Christmas service, He whispered to me that He was going to make things easy for me in the coming year. Always struggling financially it seemed to me that He was going to throw open the windows of heaven and shower down on me financial blessings. How could what was happening right now be “easy”? You see, God knew that I had areas in my life that were not right, things that I needed to repent of and turn from so that He could bless me and use me. The problem is that it was so broken that it felt beyond my ability to repent because I knew I would return to my old selfish ways to simply survive. So He made it easy to bring forth true repentance, He made it easy for me to turn away from my sin and failure, He made it easy for me to give all, every bit of it, to Him, and set me free.  He didn’t say it wouldn’t be painful, He said it would be easy. 

 

The fact that He looked and me and said “Mine”, goes so much deeper than that moment. In the middle of all the pain, He stilled the storm and peace reigned. That one word not only secured my relationship and His love for me to my heart, but it also let all of hell know that this one was His. He claimed ownership of something that I felt was worthless and He called it precious, and when He did the worth of who I am was restored. I’m so precious that He gave His life for me, no greater price could be paid, and no greater love could be shown. I am His, all of me belongs to Him. 

 

If someone was to look at what happened and how I had perfectly broken the relationship with my friend you’d say it could never be repaired. Yet God took two people striving to love Him, and through full repentance on my part and forgiveness on his, He restored us and made our friendship even better.  What Satan had desired to do was destroy the friendship, between my friend and myself. What God did was take something that was broken beyond repair, reveal it for what it was, restore it, and make it more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed. He moved it from a place that was cursed to a place where it is blessed and in the process He protected our hearts while making it easy for me to repent of a wrong in my life. Something I wanted to do but didn’t know how. 

 

Father,

 

Thank You for looking at me and saying “Mine”. I’m so thankful that what the enemy calls worthless You call precious. Thank You for keeping my relationships intact when I’ve done everything to destroy them. Thank You for protecting our hearts during trying times and keeping the enemy from destroying us. Thank You for Your great love. Thank You for Your Mercy and thank You for Your peace. Thank You for going before me this day and making it easy to fall more in love and into a deeper relationship with You. Thank You for Your Protection, Favor, Influence, and Blessing on my family and myself. Thank You for blessing my hands and heart to bless others. I love You and I want to love You more. 

 

In Jesus name, amen.